Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Feeling of Inadequacy

I am feel a little inadequate....ok so not just a little A LOT.

I should be able to perform all the duties of a SAHM with efficiency and grace but I just can't hack it. My laundry is pretty much done but my kids rooms look like a tornado has hit them and has for the past several months...ok pretty much 2 yrs since we've move here. I still haven't painted them like I've been saying I would. My room is a mess. There is a dead animal in our shower floor. (my hair that is). I need to work on the flower beds and just stuff.

That's just the house....now to the kids. We play way to much Mario Kart. They don't brush there teeth on a regular basis(C I hope you aren't reading this and Jennifer please don't tell her). My daughter doesn't sleep in her bed--she sleeps on the couch. They do have clean clothes and get a shower every other night. My very bright 6 yr old made a 71% on his spelling test....I was furious. He missed NOT, HOP and TUB. He knows them he was just in too big of a hurry. He got on Blue at school yesterday b/c he wasn't following directions and didn't pass his reading counts test. He doesn't want to do school work when he gets home. I guess most kids are like that. I'm trying make him learn on his own b/c he doesn't like to fail. I've got to get my stuff together b/c that's what I feel like that I'm FAILING!

Failing at being a WIFE, MOM, MAID, ETC. I will tell you what I'm good at. I can read a book in no time flat! I just tune everything else out and focus only on the book. I'm also good at Knitting and Sewing. I love spending time withe FABRIC and YARN.

My sweet husband works so hard 60-80 hrs a week and what do I give him in return...NOTHING! This time of the year I just do my own thing and it's not fair to him. He works so hard to provide for us but I'm not fulfilling my end of the bargain.

I've read some books about the Amish and I think....Wow! How do those women do it. They did it all!!!! Little House of the Prairie is another reminder of that. I want to be MA. She did it all! I just can't seem to get the hang of it. Am I too lazy? Not disciplined enough? I think it's a combination of both. So know that I've laid out the problem for all to see I have to find a way to fix it.

I apologize for being so down....it's a gloomy day out and I didn't sleep real good on the oversized chair from 3:00 on b/c my daughter woke up and had soaked through her pullup.

I need to focus on this verse when it comes to being disciplined...

WHOEVER LOVES DISCIPLINE LOVES KNOWLEDGE, BUT HE WHO HATES CORRECTION IS STUPID. Proverbs 19:24

I know that I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STREGTHENS ME!!!

10 comments:

Amber said...

Steph,

You are not alone. How many times have you told me that?! My days are filled with beating myself up over stuff.

You are a great mom. And a great wife. When it is all said and done, your babies are not going to remember how messy their rooms were or how gross the shower floor was. They're going to remember that you were a fun mom. A mom that played with them and slept by them at night.

I think you are amazing! I'm so honored to call you my friend, and any time you need to vent...have at it. Lord knows I vent enough to you!!!

Love ya,
Amber

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm with Amber. You're not alone and we all have days/weeks/months that overwhelm us. Hang in there...and remember that you're loved.

Joanne (The Simple Wife) said...

Oh have I so been there.

And I just cracked up at what you say you're good at! Can I just add for myself--ignoring all around me while I read a book and eat way too much junk food, ignore all around me while I play pathwords or facebook or blog or email, finding time for what I want to do but not for what someone else wants to do.

Hang in there. You're not alone!

Joanne

Joanne (The Simple Wife) said...

P.S. Let's start a little group--What Would Ma Do?

Kendra said...

We women have to get it through our heads that sometimes we have to let messes be, the clothes unfolded, and the floor not polished. Because we have to take care of ourselves. God made us more high-maintenance than men and there are times where we just have to be and breathe and get our heads on straight. This is one of those times for you. This too shall pass!

Vanessa {Bloom Right Here!} said...

Okay, I just typed a really long comment and it disappeared. I'm not going to try to duplicate it. I asked if you were my long lost twin? I could have written your post! I don't have any words of wisdom because we are obviously very much alike. Just know that you are not alone. Hang in there!

sarah said...

Hi Steph, so glad to fin your blog. Just wanted to say that I am enjoying reading your posts. We all feel this way at some point or another - but we chin up and keep on loving our kids and husbands and life. I loved looking through your girls outfits too - so creative.. take care of you - sarah

Mama to Belle and Scooter said...

Whew...been there. Done that. In fact I was there, let's see, two days ago now, so the same day you were!! Hope you are feeling better now b/c you a terrific mom! Stick it out and good times are a comin'! Thanks for sharing, friend!

Stephanie said...

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I can also drown myself out in a good book or a computer and forget about the dust, the dishes or dinner!

I have had to work hard at being disciplined in my home, and when I am I feel so much better!

Have you tried implementing a few routines and schedules? I found that just doing a morning routine with 5-10 items on it gets me going and makes me feel so much more ambitious for the day. I make myself stick to the routine, and THEN "reward" myself with computer time or reading time. That is just what works for me. I by far have it all together!

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

I'm right there with you - overwhelmed and frustrated at not getting done all I need to do AND all I want to do.

Right now I'm focusing on the basics and letting go of everything else.